Wednesday, July 10, 2013


WOOHOO! That was FUN! If you missed it, you can check out the entries in this post HERE. It was a great first round of stories and I'm looking forward to next week!  I don't know if this is how it will look next week (I'm still figuring it out), but it's a start! Thanks to everyone for playing! Now for the judging...

Grand Champion: mysoulstears (Mark)

Runner-up: Adrienne

Special Challenge Champion: Rebekah Postupak

Runner-up: drmagoo (Eric)

Here are my comments (in order of posting), just because I'm a perfectionist... And I love encouragement and constructive criticism. :)

Christy @Weylyn42: I love how you set the scene so quickly and your description is lovely. You really made me feel what she was feeling and see what she was seeing. The special challenge words were used seamlessly. I was confused as to who Devon was. I'm assuming it was her boyfriend, but I would think her parents (who paid the ransom money) would be there??? And yes, I appreciated the stupidity of the last line! :)

drmagoo @drmagoo: Eric, I had so much fun reading this! There were points when I was confused - I think mostly because of the way you chose to tell the story. The first person present talking with the reader AS the person with her in the room was new for me. It was difficult to feel present in the room when I couldn't see what was going on. I think perhaps hinting at the duct tape in the beginning would have helped (and explained the goo gone comment). Also, when she (he?) comments as an aside to the 'little brat' it was unclear who she was talking to. But the IDEA! I loved it. I loved the details. I loved the humor. I could SEE everything she was describing. And the LAB and the MACHINE...Oh, I want to read more! :)

rockchick: Thanks for writing, Jena! You have a solid idea and lots of interesting details. The way you laid it out was confusing at times. You jumped back and forth from present to flashback to telling a story about a flashback, so I had trouble following what happened when. I was also confused about how she felt about her job. You state that she loves it, but then that she wishes she could do something else and hates her boss. Also, I would've liked a stronger consequence to the stupidity. Does everything just stay status quo? Anyway, just some things to think about! I'm honored that your first attempt at flash was for me!

mysoulstears @LurchMunster: Oh, Mark, I love this piece! "But I'd do it again, in a heartbeat." was my favorite second line. I loved your details and the progression of his relationship with Becky. His decision - the consequences making it stupid - and the resolution were beautiful. It gave me goosebumps. I cried. Thank you.

Kat @SmileyRoseKat: I loved your second line! It conveyed SO MUCH in just a few short words! I loved your word choices and the details you put in. You paint a very vivid picture. I also liked her voice - the combination of very observant and nonchalant made me feel viscerally there and yet strangely detached at the same time. It was very interesting. I could've used a lot more punch at the end.  I wanted something to happen that would've made her stupidity more apparent. I think because you set it up with the dress and then the ripping and then the cops, I was expecting more than 'I went there and saw this and ran away'.

Adrienne @NormanTriGirl: Wow, Adrienne! The amount of world-building you got in here is astounding! I'm fascinated with the world and would love to read more about it! I enjoyed the little details you put it, but I found it hard to figure out the main context. Where were they? There is music and dancing and adoring fan girls, but there's a war going on... Is this on the battlefield? Have they come in to base for a break? Are they in a random town somewhere in or out of the battle? Also, I wasn't sure how to interpret the ending. Did he see her as an enemy now? Or did all of his animal instinct things look the same and he was looking at her possessively like a mate? Overall, I really liked it!

Anonymous asekingprinces17: Oh, I loved this! Brotherly quarrels and the tales of misdeeds! So much fun! Their dialog was especially enjoyable. My favorite part was ending with the starting line, but for the other brother! That was really clever and well done! Oh, to see the look on dad's face! :D I also loved when you compared the boy's anguished face to what the garage floor probably looked like now! Ha! There were moments (like 'lazy blond hair') where I was pushed out of the story (how is hair lazy, btw...I keep trying to picture it...). I think the main thing that confused me was how the oil was leaking from the truck. Did he do it on purpose or was it an accident? It took me a re-read to figure out that was the problem rather than another offer of past misdeeds from the brother. Overall it was really fun!

Rebekah @postupak: Oh, Rebekah! I loved this! I WANT TO READ MORE!!! The second line still has me laughing to tears! He hints to so much more, it's TORTURE! And I love the play of our expectations and hers colliding with reality - such fun twists!


  1. Thanks for the feedback! To answer your first question (and because I just hate leaving loose ends) your second assumption is the correct one. There is a war going on in the bigger world, but at this very moment they are back at base for a little R&R (and maybe an impromptu party). As for you second question, well I'm leaving that up in the air for now. How DOES he feel about her statement? What DOES that look mean? I do love a good suspenseful romance. :-P

    Can't wait for the next challenge!

    1. Yay! Thanks for the insider info! :) Fun stuff. Now I'm bummed Adam never got you to NAWW before I left! :) I look forward to next week!

  2. Congratulations, Grand Champion Mark!!!! awesome story!