Thursday, February 26, 2015

FINISH THAT THOUGHT #2-34 - RESULTS!




Our prompt this week got people up all kinds of places. If you missed any of the stories, go check them out here. My office chair prompt inspired its use as an office chair both writing and playing video games, on a honey-do list, as a pole-dancing prop (how does that work, exactly - no, nevermind), and as a lure to ask a handsome coworker on a date. All of which are wonderfully valid uses for an office chair... As I must choose one, I will go with MY best use of an office chair - to write. So, congratulations to Lauren Greene for her writing protagonist in The Clown (Though it's use was before the story took place...) Now for this week's judge's comments on the actual prompts:




This has been a special treat for me with a wide range of stories, from sombre to surreal, from humdrum to hilarious. The prompt took people into fantasy, senility and outrageous sexism with a superhero thrown in. Thank you everyone.

The Clown by Lauren Greene
I love to learn new words so coulrophobia ticks a box for me. This story starts bizarre, slips past weird and farce and smashes headlong into creepy. I love the little distraction in amongst the craziness ‘I heard the front door squeak open; it needed some WD40’. Why even in the worst moments do our brains latch onto the mundane? This tale’s nasty sting has shivers written through it.

Basic by Susan O'Reilly
The cringy embarrassment of a teen for a parent is beautifully portrayed here.  ‘She is a naturally lithe sexy woman whereas I take after my dear lumbering dad’. A teenager’s worse nightmare, to be the child of a MILF!  I really enjoyed the ‘it is hard to try and be sexy when it’s your mom teaching you’. I enjoyed the use of senses, including the rather perfectly pitched non-use: ‘I wish I was blind and deaf’.

Moon Roses by Stella Kate
This is so touching, the old lady fighting her battle with her mind and clinging on to herself grimly. The frustration ‘Why was I living in this prison?’, the residual snobbery ‘When did anyone in my circle ever call tea supper?’; and the need to retain self respect ‘Wish I’d put better underwear on.’ In amongst the futile bid for freedom, up the ladder and on the roof her memories are clear. Her mother’s hero, Genghis Khan; seeing Frank Sinatra; tasting cheese. Nice use of sense as memory here.

The List by Charles W. Short
Here we have a late night digging husband; this has to be bad news for the nagging wife. We’re in suspense to know why now and how will the dirty deed be accomplished. What was the final straw? It was yet another list of tasks. And the trigger this time? ‘Get rid of your bad attitude’. So he did. Perfect.

Moth King by Nancy Chenier
This story was so sad; the little lad Santi catching moths because they stole his big sister’s smiles. The angry mother narrator doesn't endear herself at first - ‘That girl has been trouble since she nearly killed me being born’ but when Santi says, ‘Papa can’t even stop them’ and we understand what she means by ‘a hulking thing moves in the shadows of my memory’ the tale takes a darker turn and we forgive that frustration. Those moths fluttering, making their escape convey so much. And some of the imagery is special: ‘I sigh around a stab of annoyance’ ‘His little boy desperation melts me’. ‘I put myself into no-nonsense stance’.

Untitled by Mark Ethridge
The sadness here deepens with every line as we understand this little eccentricity – up at tree at 3 am – is symptomatic of a much bigger, deeper and possibly unsolvable problem. The inevitability of the outcome, despite both man and woman wanting a simpler neater solution is painful. ‘I wanted to tell her I would be OK. But in that tree, 30 feet off the ground, at 3 AM I couldn't because I honestly wasn’t sure I'd ever would be.’ A masterful piece of writing.

Nighttime Troubles by Robin Abess
This was a neatly yo-yoing piece. On the one hand the surreal – Peter is one the ceiling and doesn't know how he go there; on the other prosaic- ‘Answer me or I’m telling Mom...’ Big sister bullying younger brother with the age old threat. Peter – neat name, Peter Parker as a boy perhaps? – has special powers and these are used to embrace the special challenge – eyesight of an eagle, hearing of a bat and sense of smell of a wolf. The cunningness to convince his sister she is sleepwalking is one challenge overcome but the bigger remains: ‘Now to figure out how to get down AND what was happening to him.’ A whole set of Marvel comics perhaps?

Bold Ergonomics by DB Foy
The change to the prompt was unique: ‘up that thought-stream- the schizoid narration a hoot ‘Don’t objectify him’ ‘Maybe he’d like being objectified’. The setting was prosaic – an office cubicle while a chair was being put together but the inner dialogue created a world it was fun to inhabit. Lovely, lovely descriptions ‘Just a little strategy and a throw-on frazzled grin and I’d reeled him in’. ‘Clark Kent glasses and legs long as winter nights by the fire with cocoa’. The war between the voices – Merkel reason v Putinesque indifference – to the consequences - reaches a fever pitch as the chair nears completion – ‘A black phoenix rising from the ash of bubble wrap and cardboard box’. Which voice will win? I think we know early on – the inner librarian is slain and she asks him out. Go girl!



Special Challenge Champion: 
Basic by Susan O'Reilly


Runner up: 
Bold Ergonomics by DB Foy – I’d love to hear how that date went! Me too!



Grand Champion: 
Moth King by Nancy Chenier. I kept coming back to this, to the way the tale pointed you at a back story that was deep and troubling. So well done.







Monday, February 23, 2015

FINISH THAT THOUGHT #2-34




Welcome back! I went to IKEA this past weekend for the first time since I was a child, and I bought myself a new office chair. I'm very excited to use it, but it is, as yet, still in the box. Hopefully, by the time you're reading this, I'll have put it together. It's the first office chair that I can say actually fits me (and I have tried many - plus I sat in all of them at IKEA). Your work space is important; please, take care of yourself. I am going to throw in an optional Host Challenge for the best use of an office chair... Have fun! :)



If you haven't read the full version of the rules, go here. Otherwise, here's the short version:

Rules:
1. Start with the given first sentence.
2. Up to 500 words
3. Keep it clean (nothing rated R or above)
4. Optional Special Challenge
5. Stories submitted must be your own work, using characters and worlds that you have created. Sorry, no fanfiction.
6. Include: Twitter/email, word count, Special Challenge accepted
7. The challenge is open for 24 hours on Tuesday EST



Oh, and feel free to change pronounspunctuationtense, and anything in brackets to fit the story/pov/tone. I'm not going to be TOO picky... Our judge however...


Our Judge today is Geoff Le Pard also known as @geofflepard. Read his winning tale from last week here!  Check out his website here. Geoff Le Pard writes, walks and cooks. The dog approves two of his current career choices. Geoff has given birth to one novel, a second is on its way and he hopes for a large family.




 Your first sentence for FINISH THAT THOUGHT #2-34 is:


'Excuse me, but what on earth are you doing up that [ladder] at this [time of night]?'




 Your SPECIAL CHALLENGE from the judge is:



Include three of the five senses.





 
AAAAAAAND WE'RE OFF!!!







Thursday, February 19, 2015

FINISH THAT THOUGHT #2-33 - RESULTS!




Congratulations to everyone who wrote this week! Like the judge says below: You're all winners. CUPCAKES FOR EVERYONE!!!! ...actual cupcakes...ahem... If you missed any of the stories, read them here. Done? Great! Now let's see what the judge had to say about them:



I enjoyed all the entries this week, and it was so hard to pick just one. You’re all winners in my book.

@Michaelsimko1  Michael Simko: That Cleopatra is a sneaky one. Never trust a woman. The way you combine history and sci fi together is astounding. And who doesn’t love a story about a love you’d sacrifice your life for? You told so much of this story in so few words. I like the way you weave the challenge words into the story. Great job!

@CharlesWShort: I liked your take on the prompt, with a car accident. The ending was unexpected. I couldn’t understand why she needed to teddy bear at the beginning of the story, but then your last sentence dropped the bomb making it come full circle. I loved the way you led up to the point. Well done.

@howdylauren: Oh for the love of the cupcake! The lovers love of the cupcake. The tone of this piece was great. Your description was so on point, and it takes you from one scene to the next, as you’re trying to figure out what this woman, who is obviously crazy, has done. My favorite line: “Their eyes scanned over the crumbling entrails and torn, half-devoured wrappings.”  Brilliant.

@db_foy Foy: Heartbreaking tale of a father “rescuing” his daughter and sacrificing her mother. The teddy bear prompt was used so well in this scene, and I visualized the beloved bear being trampled over as the wide-eyed child looked on.  The connection between the bear being lost and the mother being rolled over was brilliant. Chilling. You did so much with this prompt—great job!

@KJCollard Kendall Jaye: A fire and a cooking failure. I love the way the president is so human in this piece. She’s so embarrassed of setting the kitchen on fire, and you can feel her desire to run and hide at what she’s done. Great take on the prompt, and great use of all the challenge words too.


Special Challenge Champion: 
MRMacrum: Wow—great use of the challenge words. This little bedtime story stuck with me all week. When I first started reading I thought, “What kind of lunatic tells his granddaughter a murder mystery?” When you delivered the punch line of the cupcake, I just laughed and laughed. I loved how at the end we find out who the president really was! So funny. I may have to tell this one to my daughter.


Grand Champion: 

@geofflepard: Another story that stuck with me all week. As I was reading this little story, I thought maybe she’d lost her cat. Finding out who Cupcake was made me feel heartbroken for this woman.  The dialogue was spot on, and the confusion of the scene is palpable in your description.  I thought you did an amazing job with this prompt, and I can’t stop thinking of Mrs. Abalon and her long lost daughter, Cupcake.







Monday, February 16, 2015

FINISH THAT THOUGHT #2-33




Welcome back for another week of exciting word journeys! Remind yourself of the rules, read the prompt, and show us your awesomeness! Have at it! :)



If you haven't read the full version of the rules, go here. Otherwise, here's the short version:

Rules:
1. Start with the given first sentence.
2. Up to 500 words
3. Keep it clean (nothing rated R or above)
4. Optional Special Challenge
5. Stories submitted must be your own work, using characters and worlds that you have created. Sorry, no fanfiction.
6. Include: Twitter/email, word count, Special Challenge accepted
7. The challenge is open for 24 hours on Tuesday EST



Oh, and feel free to change pronounspunctuationtense, and anything in brackets to fit the story/pov/tone. I'm not going to be TOO picky... Our judge however...


Our Judge today is Lauren Greene also known as @laurenegreene. Read her winning tale from last week here!  Check out her website here. Lauren Greene spends her time chasing after three kids, working a day job, and trying to make it as a writer. She's been writing since she was seven years old, and when she's not writing flash fiction and novels, she enjoys reading, working out, and drinking wine.




 Your first sentence for FINISH THAT THOUGHT #2-33 is:


He hustled her away from the scene, even as more people were arriving to scope out the damage.




 Your SPECIAL CHALLENGE from the judge is:



Use THREE of the following words:

Teddy Bear, President, heart, mastermind, cupcake, nightgown





 
AAAAAAAND WE'RE OFF!!!








Thursday, February 12, 2015

FINISH THAT THOUGHT #2-32 - RESULTS!




Thanks to everyone who joined our small party on Tuesday! If you missed any of the entries, go check them out here. Good. Now let's read what the judge had to say:



I'll keep this brief so I can submit on time, before the week explodes with craziness. I enjoyed all the entries so thanks for playing; this judging thing is fun.


The Burden (@geofflepard)
I love the language in this one, the way it flows, the last sentence. There are a lot of feelings in these 500 words.

Scent of a Woman (chava812@gmail.com)
This one was powerful. I read it twice and it took me a minute to move on. I know exactly what’s going on here even if Fido doesn’t.

Untitled (drmagoo)
Delightfully creepy and a great take on the non-human idea. It hints at something much more that I’m curious to learn about.

After deadline: wasn’t judged
Primary Job Function (@goldzco21)
I love the main character. He’s better at his job function than he thought. Really delightful.



Special Challenge Champion - Michael Simko with "Quorum." I'll admit I had to look up "quorum"...I need to expand my vocabulary. Anyway, from the very first, this story gripped my attention. It was clever. It was entertaining. It was a non-human protagonist that was almost human. Brilliant.



Grand Champion - Lauren Green with "Berlin." Really clever take on fairies and shapeshifters, and darker things. I really felt for the little girl. Well done.





Monday, February 9, 2015

FINISH THAT THOUGHT #2-32




Before we move on to the contest, here is your gentle reminder: Valentine's Day is on Saturday; plan accordingly. Now that my PSA is out of the way, we can move our focus to today's prompt. Have at it! (And have fun!)



If you haven't read the full version of the rules, go here. Otherwise, here's the short version:

Rules:
1. Start with the given first sentence.
2. Up to 500 words
3. Keep it clean (nothing rated R or above)
4. Optional Special Challenge
5. Stories submitted must be your own work, using characters and worlds that you have created. Sorry, no fanfiction.
6. Include: Twitter/email, word count, Special Challenge accepted
7. The challenge is open for 24 hours on Tuesday EST



Oh, and feel free to change pronounspunctuationtense, and anything in brackets to fit the story/pov/tone. I'm not going to be TOO picky... Our judge however...


Our Judge today is Holly Geely also known as @hollygeely. Read her winning tale from last week here!  Check out her website here. Holly has been under the influence of fantasy and science fiction since she was young. She is a fan of bad puns and bright colours. If she's not cackling her way through a ridiculous story, she might be found playing video games or saving the world from evil (probably the first one).





 Your first sentence for FINISH THAT THOUGHT #2-32 is:



[He] could see [her] hiding behind the [desk].



 Your SPECIAL CHALLENGE from the judge is:



A non-human protagonist 





 
AAAAAAAND WE'RE OFF!!!








Thursday, February 5, 2015

FINISH THAT THOUGHT #2-31 - RESULTS!




You all rocked the pants off that special challenge! Second person can be so tricky, but you all made it work! Rock on! If you missed any of the entries, go read them here. Now let's read what the judge had to say:



I’m delighted all of you opted to do the special challenge! Several used the second person for the narrative and others as the addressee for a first person narrative.  What I tend to get from second person is an off-putting intimacy. The first time it caught me was in the very disturbing "Pizza Night" by Laurie Channer.

Diving right in…

Michael Simko - This one sent me scrambling after the relevant quotes. First or Second Timothy? I’m thinking Second for the suffering and not being ashamed about it. The second person narrative gives it an appropriately confessional feel.
The mystery of "she" in the first paragraph grabbed me: Is she a lover, a child, a malfunctioning pleasure bot? I’m usually not a fan of "punchline" tales, but this one made me walk back that aversion. The initial horror that the drunk narrator may be about to lose all my sympathy by engaging in something non-consensual is overturned on the last line to riotous effect. I went right back to the beginning and read it again. What makes the whole thing effective is that all the evidence is there from the beginning and the misdirection never feels like "cheating".

Jamie Hershberger - The horrifying image painted at the start made for a great grab. The creepiness of the second person narration works really well here. The image of him throwing himself around the house made me think of Fight Club (never a bad thing).  The story prepares us well for the resounding note of denial. This guy is all about denial. Some of my favorite lines: "your most recent transgression surfaces in your memory like a bloated corpse in a flooding graveyard" (hits a great tone and carries a lot of guilt) "aware of your pulse, telegraphing a psychotic “S.O.S” to your limbs".

Lauren Greene - Instant tragedy. What a sad little story. Stillbirth produces such a visceral response. It’s hard to come up with a situation more tragic than having an eagerly-awaited pregnancy end like that—and yet it is a heart-rending reality for so many people. I found the mention of being wrapped in a blanket and placed in the mother’s arms anyway particularly devastating. The inclusion of the brother at the funeral (who doesn’t quite comprehend what is happening) was touching.

Holly Geely - Painful and hilarious. Another misdirection. Love the humor sprinkled throughout. The MC’s self-deprecating voice, his/her honesty, made me withhold my judgment (oh, did you really fall off the wagon for a dude??). Instead I agonized with the MC even though I had no idea what the real source of discomfort was (the right conditions of sheer boredom can bring on varying shades of rhinocerae). His/her crush is genuine and endearing. The second reading is just as fun—if not more so—than the first. The evidence is there, but it’s my own expectations/biases that do most of the misleading.

Geoff Lepard - Very poetic—the use of second person as form of address gives this one a sense of intimacy, which by the end makes total sense.  Fine descriptive language throughout (appropriate for a "bookish loner"). Some of my favorite bits: the boxer imagery, setting the stage for a destructive relationship;  the "prescient resistance" of the knuckle; the grin "curdling on your lips"; the line about holding the hand, wiping the brow exposed so much. I love how the use of first person and addressee veils the genders of the players, revealing that a dysfunctional relationship is an equal-opportunity dynamic. The change at the end left me conflicted (in the right way) as she seems to enjoy the assumption of power in the relationship just a little too much.

Stella - First person address of second person, but we don’t get the first person until the second half—so very well crafted. The effect lured me to align my sympathies with the "you", figuring she was the MC, and enjoy her frankness; the flashback with the aunties sealed the deal (that tidbit had me like the "everyone else" of the tale, giggling and astounded by the guile). Then, the shift over to the first person, the poor best friend, yanked the carpet out from under me (as I’m sure the narrator suffered to a greater degree). So much here in so few words, and you make it seem effortless. 

@clivetern -  "You" as the addressee (lover, spouse) for the first person. My favorite line: "The wash from the ship was still strong enough to pluck your chador, fluttering it like the flags that hung from Kharoum Tower" The detail here places us in a specific setting while moving the plot along: Sudan in the future, and our MC is in trouble with the law. My curiosity was further tugged as I hadn’t heard of female muezzins (a detail that made me think this was a more tolerant future). This tale feels like a fragment from a longer piece as there is a lot moving under the surface here, the mystery from the very beginning as to what exactly is "different", what they’re doing in a hangar, why the MC is slated for death, the missing arms suggesting she’d run afoul of the law before, the list of names (the number 64 made me think she was a Daoist—64 guardians of the parts of the body, some of which would "dwindle" if she lost her arms—and they might be executed for heresy). The repetition of the initial line, with its dire turn, closes this one off nicely. This certainly left me hungry for more.

Erin Blake - Another fun misdirection. That very first line has a hint of the reality: "Embers continued to eat at the walls…" and does the "from scratch" at the end of the paragraph, but I bought the misdirection completely. That is some clever word-craft, there. I loved discovering on second reading that the parental feelings dovetail perfectly with the feelings of someone trying to be a "good leader" (oh, yes, that’s it exactly). Yes, the delegating, the accepting responsibility, the having to rearrange to make up for mistakes—the superimposition gives this a lot of punch, especially the struggle to stay optimistic despite "casualties".  Meanwhile, the descriptive language makes this one breathe.

Rose Ketring - First person narrative addressing a parental "you". The MC sounds like it could be an imaginative kid with some delightfully freakish sheep nightmares, a kid who has entered a new stage of mental development that s/he can perceive him/herself as being an active participant in this thing called sleep and whose imagination takes seemingly innocuous suggestions to horrifying lengths? But then the unfamiliarity with sleep makes it just as likely that this is an alien entity with an instructive "you"). And yet the final line turns the table—whether parent or instructor, the addressee becomes the monster.



Special Challenge Champion: Stella Kate’s short and sweet "Home Truths" for the clever use of addressee who turns out to be the impact character rather than the main character.


Grand Champion: Holly Geely’s "Have Another" for an MC that tugged on my sympathies even when I suspected s/he deserved his/her agony.



Whew! Now, I'm off to make dinner. Thanks again for the venue and the opportunity to judge.







Monday, February 2, 2015

FINISH THAT THOUGHT #2-31





Welcome back! My son informed me yesterday that it is too cold (he must not remember last year) and that he wanted to migrate to somewhere warmer. He had high hopes that the groundhog would not see his shadow (as it was cloudy here this morning) and spring would be on its way. Alas, the sun ruined his plans, so how about you give us some good reading material for the six extra weeks of winter to come? Thanks. Have at it!



If you haven't read the full version of the rules, go here. Otherwise, here's the short version:

Rules:
1. Start with the given first sentence. (Allowable alterations listed below)
2. Up to 500 words
3. Keep it clean (nothing rated R or above)
4. Optional Special Challenge
5. Stories submitted must be your own work, using characters and worlds that you have created. Sorry, no fanfiction.
6. Include: Twitter/email, word count, Special Challenge accepted
7. The challenge is open for 24 hours on Tuesday EST



Oh, and feel free to change pronounspunctuationtense, and anything in brackets to fit the story/pov/tone. I'm not going to be TOO picky... Our judge however...


Our Judge today is Nancy Chenier, also known as @rowdy_phantom. Check out her blog here. Read her winning tale from last week hereNancy stumbled into flash fiction when the squidlet was born, as writing time has to be carved out of sporadic nap times and sane bedtimes. When not writing, she's probably doing something outdoors. She's eternally grateful for contests like FTT and the incredible flash community (shout out to #flashdogs) for providing such a supportive venue for writers.





 Your first sentence for FINISH THAT THOUGHT #2-31 is:


[It] wasn't supposed to be like this.





 Your SPECIAL CHALLENGE from the judge is:


Write in second person.





 
AAAAAAAND WE'RE OFF!!!