It Begins

You're going to get a special treat this week. Or, maybe just an oddity. I'm not really sure how this will go over. Anyway, last week (yes, I know, it's been 10 days since I wrote this flash fiction...I've been busy - I'll get to that in another blog) I entered Cara Michael's Menage Monday challenge. This is the 200 flash fiction with three prompts. This week (or last week, really) it was the phrase "got a [ ] feeling" (where the [ ] could be filled with whatever word you like) the idea "it wasn't the first time I found one of those in there" and a black and white picture of the Korean War Memorial.



Eerily cool, huh?

The treat you'll get this week is first I will show you my final 200 word entry. THEN I will show you my 461 word free write that I started with. It will show you some of how I chopped it down and tried to keep the ideas, while cutting a lot of detail. Also, just a warning, the second story isn't done either, but I stopped writing so that I could hope to get 200 words out of it and I never got back to it. It's at a fine stopping point, but I was still going until I looked at the word count and figured I'd never get it finished if I didn't stop there. It's hard enough to cut from 450 to 200...imagine trying to cut 600 or 700 to 200...yeah, I didn't want to try it! :) 

First up, the entry:

“Stop! Do you see that?” The world just turned black and white.

“See what?” Okay, so it was just me, “It’s not, you know, that again, is it?” I nodded. “Celia, you haven’t Seen anything in years! I thought it was over.”

I sighed, “Me too. Now where’s the nearest statue?”

“We’re in DC, there are statues everywhere.” He had a huff in his voice.

“There.” I pointed at the Korean War Memorial and moved that direction. The statues which I just admired as beautiful and aching were now eerie and haunting in monochromatic starkness.

“I’ve got a horrible feeling about this.” Corbin was whining now and he started pulling on my sleeve.

“Then just stay here. I’m sure it’ll be quick. It always has been.”

It always unnerved me when a statue uncoiled and started talking. No matter how many times I’ve seen it, I think it will always send a shiver down my back and butterflies in my stomach. It just wasn’t right. It was worse that I was the only one who saw it. Was I seriously messed up in the brain, or was this real somehow? I wished I knew.

“Celia. It is time.” It began.

Okay. Nice. Oh, thank you! I liked it too! (C'mon! Be polite!) And here's what I started with:

“Wait! Stop! Do you see that?” The world just turned black and white.

“See what?” Okay, so it was just me.

“This is bad. I didn’t think this could happen on vacation.”

Corbin turned to me with concern written all over his face, “Celia, you haven’t Seen anything in years! I thought it was over.”

I sighed, “Me too. Now where’s the nearest statue?” I started turning.

“We’re in DC, there are statues everywhere.” He had a huff in his voice.

“There.” I pointed at the Korean War Memorial and moved that direction. The statues which I just admired as beautiful and aching were now eerie and haunting in monochromatic starkness.

“I’ve got a horrible feeling about this.” Corbin was whining now and he started pulling on my sleeve.

“Then just stay here. I’m sure it’ll be quick. I always has been.”

“But you don’t know that it’ll be okay. What if this time it’s different? You don’t even know who’s talking to you. What’ll happen if you don’t go?”

“Remember when I was 12 and it happened in school? I had a test last period, so I couldn’t go to the park on main street for several hours. At first it wasn’t too bad, but by the time my test came I had a headache so bad that I couldn’t concentrate. I think I’ll just go see what it wants.”

“Well, I’ll come with you.” He grabbed my hand and squeezed as we approached the first statue.

It always unnerved me when a statue, something I knew to be solid and immovable, uncoiled and started talking. No matter how many times I see it, I think it will always send a shiver down my back and butterflies in my stomach. It just wasn’t right. It was worse that I was the only one who saw it. Was I seriously messed up in the brain, or was this real somehow? I wished I knew.

“Celia. It is time. You are near. Go to the Washington Monument. Place you right hand, palm flat, on the north side and you left hand, palm flat, on the East side. Then let your forehead touch the corner. We will see you soon.” The statue returned to its lifeless shape.

The colors were bright and sharp, even in winter. I shook my head and felt Corbin squeeze my hand. “You okay?”

I turned to smile at him, “Yeah. I’m supposed to go to the Washington Monument. I’m going to meet them.”

“Meet them? At the Washington Monument? Just like that?”

“That’s what they said. Well, after I do some ritual-type thing.” I explained to him what the statue said. He looked incredulous.

“And you’re just going to do it?!?!”

“Corbin, I don’t really have a choice.”

Yeah. I liked that one too. Thanks... :P

Anyway, I hope you liked seeing the contrast of the two. Cutting is very hard, but I feel that doing these Flash Fiction challenges are going to be a big help when I finally finish that manuscript and have to start editing...I'll be used to all the chopping that goes on! :)

Thanks for reading!