FINISH THAT THOUGHT #32 - RESULTS!

And the judge has spoken!!!! Thanks for participating, everyone! If you missed the stories, you can check them out here. Otherwise, let's see what the judge had to say!

Rebekah Postupak (SC): I loved the setup of the story, and the concept drew me in immediately. I mean, how fascinating (and terrifying) to be out of sync with the world – to have all the capacity to communicate, but still not be able to. It reminded me of this news story (http://www.treehugger.com/natural-sciences/worlds-loneliest-whale-sings-at-the-wrong-frequency.html). On the other hand, the ending felt rushed, as if it needed another hundred or so words to reveal itself with the same wonder as the rest of the story.

Jessica West: My inner pedant was startled at first, as you changed the tense of the prompt, but it was such a marvelously macabre story that I decided to ignore that. Nicely suspenseful, drawing the reader along with your protagonist to find out what had happened behind that door. It could have been anything, and then we met the monster in a child’s body, only to know no more.

Emily Karn (SC): I could tell right off that you were bringing me along on a journey to see some ancient site destroyed – Pompeii, Atlantis, something like that – and I was definitely captivated as to what kind of journey it would be. Wonderful imagery, and a well-imagined scene. There were a couple of editing mistakes that took me out of the flow of the story, however – that’s the kind of thing my teacher’s eyes fixate on sometimes.

Stella (SC): A lovely little tale of a quite devious young woman who feels trapped in a life she doesn’t like (although whether she’ll fare any better in the arms of a soldier who just killed her mother is a lesson she’ll have to learn on her own). A little on the short side – I think that using the rest of the allotted room would have helped add just a few more touches, like a hint as to why her mom would be in particular danger.

writtenbetweencovers (SC): A wonderful glimpse into history, filled with tiny touches that painted a vivid scene for the reader. Poor, brave Mansika, about to die (and likely painfully) to help Cleopatra survive. I liked this one a lot.

Amy Wood (SC): A short little tale, but filled with the atmosphere of a time and place far from our own. And when the blood’s already being spilled, what’s a little more, for someone with a knife and an inclination to spill his own self. Chilling and effective.

Karl A Russell (SC): Oh, what a wonderful Valentine’s Day tale! (was this a surplus Love Bites story in another guise?) Very nice use of language, drawing the reader into time and place – although apparently, Carol and Padraig don’t live in ordinary everyday Ireland. The lesson, as always: don’t interrupt a woman in the middle of a good book, even if you are Cupid.

JM Mac F (SC): A jaunt back to the Civil War, and the worries of a young woman on her own (well, with a bunch of servants – although given that this was in the south, I wasn’t sure if slaves were the right fit) in a time of war. Not just any young woman, but one that’s more than a little flighty, offering Valentines to men wounded in battle without proper medical care. Nice job.

Special Challenge Runner-up: Amy Wood

 

 

Special Challenge Champion: writtenbetweencovers

Runner-up: Rebekah Postupak

 

 

 

Grand Champion: Karl A Russell

Thanks everyone!

 

 

 

FINISH THAT THOUGHT #32

Welcome back to another round! I considered doing another Festive Challenge, but there are enough people out there who HATE Valentine's Day that I just figured I'd skip it. I wouldn't want to turn anyone away, plus Eric would probably strangle me if he got the chance... (but he doesn't live in my state, so I think I'd be safe even if I went for it...) I'd personally love to see you be creative with the words in brackets - I LOVE variety! Anyway, enough of what I want - I'm not judging! Go find out what the judge's prompts are and go write! :)



If you need to read the full version of the rules, go here. Otherwise, here's the short version:

Rules:
1. Up to 500 words
2. Keep it clean (nothing rated R or above)
3. Start with the given first sentence.
4. Optional Special Challenge
5. Include Twitter/email, word count, Special Challenge accepted
6. The challenge is open for 24 hours on Tuesday EST



Oh, and feel free to change pronouns, punctuation, tense, and anything in brackets to fit the story/pov/tone. I'm not going to be TOO picky... Our judge however...

Our Judge today is Eric Martell also known as @drmagoo. Check out his blog here. Read his winning tale from last week here!



 Your first sentence for FINISH THAT THOUGHT #32 is:


The cat meowed, and stretched, and that was when I first heard [the scream].



 Your SPECIAL CHALLENGE from the judge is:


Set your story before the year 1900CE.


 AAAAAAAND WE'RE OFF!!!

How Champions Are Made

Here's my entry for Rebekah Postupak's Flash Friday! competition vol. 2-9! (By the way, I got Second Runner Up - third place - for this one! :) ) The prompt this week was the word 'envy' and this picture:





I had 150 words (give or take 10) to write something amazing... This is what I came up with:

How Champions Are Made

 

“You cheated!” Kira huffed as she palmed open the hatch to their dormitory.

“I did not!” Arianna stood taller and crossed her arms, indignant. “I am a member of the 57^th Intergalactic Olympic Games.”

“So you’re good at covering your tracks.” Kira interrupted and entered.

Arianna stalked in after her and grabbed a holo of an old photograph off her headboard. “My ancestor was a champion at the very first Olympic Games, 1896EME.”

“What’s your point? That was forever ago.” Kira glared before turning around and palming through the color options on the wall, wishing the designers of the Olympic Space Station had installed holographic capabilities.

“I’m merely stating that my athleticism is inherited. I don’t need to cheat.”

Kira snorted. “No one has ever completed a 3240 quad-corkscrew layout-rebound in variable-G before. It’s impossible.”

“You’re just jealous.” She pursed her lips. “Besides, if you’re looking for cheaters, the entire wrestling contingent from Ptaxil grew extra arms.”

The Looking Glass

Hiya! This is my entry for the FIRST EVER Christian flash fiction competition over at Charles W. Short's Christian Flash Weekly! The prompt each week is a single verse from the Bible and the judge and word count will change weekly. This week I was allowed 240-260 words (I came in at 255 this week!) with the verse: Job 42:5

Job 42:1-6 (NASB)
Then Job answered the Lord and said,

² “I know that You can do all things,
And that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.
³ ‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’
Therefore I have declared that which I did not understand,
Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.”
⁴ ‘Hear, now, and I will speak;
I will ask You, and You instruct me.’⁵ “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear;
But now my eye sees You;
⁶ Therefore I retract,
And I repent in dust and ashes.”

I did something completely different than my normal stories. I think it worked. Also, I'm glad we had almost four days - I only got the idea last night! I had a lot of fun writing it, and I hope you have fun reading it! Thanks! :)

The Looking Glass

 

I received it when I was young and was admonished to take good care of it. I polished it daily until it shined. I’d check myself, smile, and blow a kiss.

Over time it didn’t shine as before. Dust obscured the view, but I regularly cleaned it once a week. I’d check myself, smile, and nod.

Soon I forgot about it for weeks at a time – not on purpose, but other things came up. It became smeared with the stuff of life and crusted with unidentifiable sludge. Every now and again I’d remember, spray it down, and scrub it clean. I’d check myself, smile, and sigh.

The first crack appeared when I volunteered to go build wells in Africa. I was so excited. And so scared. The preparation – spiritual, emotional, practical – took its toll.  I’d check myself, worry at the crack, and put on a brave face.

The crack crept across the surface as I landed in Africa. So much suffering. More cracks. The sick. The poor. The hungry. Why? I slammed my fist in anger. A spider web of cracks blossomed and filled the frame. I checked myself and frowned.

The glass shattered. Pieces littered the ground. I stared in shock at the shards twinkling in the sunlight. A weight lifted from my shoulders. I checked myself and froze. A little boy stood smiling, beaming back at me – deep black skin, bright white teeth centered perfectly in my now empty frame.

I knelt, and served.

And smiled.

And blew a kiss.

FINISH THAT THOUGHT #31 - RESULTS!

Well, that was fun! Thanks everyone for participating! I had a blast seeing so many new faces (I'm not sure of a more appropriate phrase, seeing as I *didn't* see any of your faces at all....but 'reading so many new twitter handles' just doesn't sound right. Ah well!). If you missed any of the amazing stories, go check out the full offering here. Otherwise, let's read what the judge had to say (Thanks, Rebekah!):

In a display of dramatic historical coincidence, quite a few of you unrolled graffiti and other hilarity in your ancient documents. I loved that juxtaposition of greatness with the banal. As ever, the splendid diversity across the board in your stories was enough to delight even the pickiest of readers. Wonderful job, everybody--wonderful worlds, wonderful words. Thank you!

Special shout out to Dolled Kitten whose description of painstaking study--and I have to quote almost this whole paragraph--was so wonderfully perfect, I laughed out loud. "There was a throbbing in his temples, as if someone were drumming their thumbs against them to make unbearably painful music. He strained to read the symbols. They marched and swerved, making focusing difficult. They mocked and laughed at him because of his ignorance..." This description caused me to relive one of my way-too-many all-nighters back in college days. Awesome.

And another personal shout out to Stella for the Edith Piaf nod--I LOVE her music, and "Je ne regrette rien" is one of my favorites of hers. It's somehow fitting that such a powerful voice should be paired with such a gruesome tale.

Judge's Challenge Runner Up: JM MacF. Unless you speak Greek, you had to look up how to say "eight pounds of fish and two bushels of potatoes" which, given you sandwiched the quotation in melodramatic sarcasm, is hilarious and made the whole thing totally magnificent.

Judge's Challenge Champion: Nada Adel. You included not just one line, but an entire poem in Arabic! The lovely lines were at the story's heart, with its knowing caution to "wait for the light." --And I assure all you skeptics that the final sentence, as glorious as it is, did not bias this award. :D

Grand Champion Runner Up: This goes to ImageRonin, "Lost in Translation," for his wonderful worldbuilding and depth of story, and to Amy Wood's untitled piece, for her snappy dialogue--both of whom ended their stories with very funny mundane translations and abandonment. They were both thoroughly enjoyable reading, beautifully designed and assembled.

Grand Champion: DrMagoo.  Unlike many of the other stories which went in an Indiana Jones-type direction, this story gave us a contemporary woman reeling from great tragedy. I was moved by the parallelism of her physical experiences with her grief (e.g. the car accident with her memories; the pain of fiberglass and sweat in her eyes with her heartache) and by the way her parents joined the pantheon of the past as she found her father's love letter, which in itself was precious, alongside her grandmother's dishes. This story is a sophisticated one of great heart, dancing in time: the protagonist is lost in today, feeling certain there can be no tomorrow--even as she holds in her hands a moment of great love and promise, thousands of tomorrows from then. Beautifully done. 

 

 

 

FINISH THAT THOUGHT #31

Welcome back! I'm so glad you could join us for another week of fantastic stories! I handed the last edits to my crit group last week, so I've had a week of what-to-do-in-between. So I pulled out my Nano project and re-read the whole thing (I only wrote 26K, but the book is certainly halfway finished) and it was AWESOME! So now I'm super excited to work on that story while I give this one a break before I revise again for beta readers. :) Anyway, enough about me, let me see what you have to say for this weeks prompt. Go write!



If you need to read the full version of the rules, go here. Otherwise, here's the short version:

Rules:
1. Up to 500 words
2. Keep it clean (nothing rated R or above)
3. Start with the given first sentence.
4. Optional Special Challenge
5. Include Twitter/email, word count, Special Challenge accepted
6. The challenge is open for 24 hours on Tuesday EST



Oh, and feel free to change pronouns, punctuation, tense, and anything in brackets to fit the story/pov/tone. I'm not going to be TOO picky... Our judge however...

Our Judge today is Rebekah Postupak also known as @postupak and @FlashFridayFic. Check out her blog here. Read her winning tale from last week here!



 Your first sentence for FINISH THAT THOUGHT #31 is:


Fingers trembling, [s]he slowly unrolled the ancient document.



 Your SPECIAL CHALLENGE from the judge is:


Include a sentence in a foreign (non-English) language.


 AAAAAAAND WE'RE OFF!!!

Family Ties

I finally wrote another flash fiction piece after having been gone for too long! I got it in just under the wire for Rebekah Postupak's Flash Friday! Her year-two rules call for 140-160 words - which is SO difficult for me! For instance, my story idea today started at 557 words. I got it in at 158. Oh. My. Goodness. The prompt was that it had to include a phone call and this picture:




For some reason, I went with the photographers perspective and none of the people in the picture (which is odd for me). Plus, it's only loosely based on the photo...I went more strongly with the phone call. :) I hope you enjoy! I had fun figuring out how to condense a huge story into a very small one... I think it worked. SO MUCH changed... I'm considering posting the longer piece, but it's unedited (but that isn't unprecedented). Anyway, here's the entry:

Family Ties

 

The screech of metal on the road outside makes me flinch. A baby wails as I open the door. A car lost its wheel – pothole probably.

The phone rings. Finally! I’m sure her mage is competent, but…

I run back in and pick up the handset. “Hello? John Davis speaking.”

“A call from Jane-“

“Yes, yes, put her through. Thank you.”

“John?”

“Niece or Nephew?”

“John! You have to help!” Jane’s voice is strained. My grip tightens. “It’s a boy, but he’s gone! The attending Mage felt a temporal shift - too fast to react.” her voice cracks.

My brain works overtime. “Too fast to detect means too fast to direct. He’ll follow the bloodline – that means here. Was there a substitution?”

“A tire.”

“The wreck!” I drop the handset and dash outside, scanning for the thief.

There! I level a shock at the man’s head and catch the boy with a hover charm.

Nobody steals my nephew.

Okay, so I'll post the original (UNEDITED) version for optional reading. I usually have to write myself into a story, so I'm always longer than I need to be. Also, as a discovery writer, I don't know what's happening until I get there, so I have to look back and see what I wrote and where the story is. I loved the noir feeling I got from this one, but it takes a lot of words to build a setting like that - at least for me! So what did I do? I dropped several characters, some of them big ones. I changed from past tense to present. I removed a setting (he's only inside in the revised one). Anyway, this one definitely needs editing, but I thought it might be interesting to see what I started with. (Oh, and when I started this story, it was going to be about John and Betty, and not about Jane and her son at all! That's how stories go for me sometimes though.) So, yeah...Enjoy! :)

I snapped my fingers to lite my cigarette at the corner before crossing – I wasn’t in any hurry. I leaned against the lamppost to enjoy it for a moment. A car driving by lost its wheel – probably a pothole. A baby started crying.

Betty came hurrying out of the office, blonde curls bobbing with each click of her heel. A guy could watch her curves move all day without getting tired.

But no, she was engaged to that ruffian, Jack Nimble. Best get my thoughts in order before she got here.

Her deep blue eyes caught mine and her bright red smile showed relief. “John!” she called – even her yell was melodic. “John wait!” I wasn’t going anywhere.

I snuffed my cigarette and put it back in my tin. “Hey, Betty, miss me already?” A guy could flirt, even if she was engaged.

She giggled then cleared her throat, “I miss you before you’re gone, John, we’ve covered this. The operator is holding your sister on the line; I thought you’d want to know.”

“Jane’s on the line?” I was going to be an uncle! I ran back to the office and picked up the receiver Betty had left on her desk. “Yes? Hello? This is John. Jane?”

“Hold please.” The operator’s voice sounded nasal and bored.

“John?” Jane’s voice sounded upset.

“What’s wrong? What’s happened?” My grip tightened on the handle.

“A temporal shift. The mage on duty felt it, but not in time.”

“What?!” I exploded out of the chair. “How could he have missed…? So, it was fast. Too fast to aim properly. Which means it’ll follow the bloodline. Which means here. Was there a substitution?”

“A car tire.”

“Damn and blast! Betty, hold the line – I have to get to that accident!” I tore out of the office and into the street.  I approached the car with the missing tire, but didn’t hear the baby.

“Where’s the baby?” I pulled the first man toward me by the lapels.

“Relax, the baby was fine. Its father just claimed it.” The man looked around, “There. He’s over there.”

I dropped the man and took off after the thief. Why didn’t he turn to face me? Ah, he has a silence charm – probably to hide the baby from curious bystanders – the idiot and amateur.

I readied my shock, the man would disappear the moment he knew I was coming – or as soon as he was out of everyone’s vision, whichever came first.

I aimed for his head – I didn’t want to hit the baby.

He went limp and toppled over. I sent a hover charm to catch the baby.

I scooped up the little guy in my arms and smiled down at him. He stopped crying. “Hey Champ. I’m going to get you back to your Momma, then I’ll come see you.”

I walked back to the car and read the transfer line. I held the boy in my hands and shifted him back.

I handed the tire to the driver and collected the perpetrator. I hovered him over to my office and cuffed him in the back. Then I took the phone from Betty.

“Jane? Is he doing alright?”

“Yes, John, thank you.”

“Next time you let me be your mage on duty, got that?”

“Yes John.”

“Oh, and what’s his name?”

“John.”

I smiled.