This one I'm not so sure about. I don't know if I got the feel that I was going for across. In a perfect world I would have more words to add more description around the tags...or more time to shorten up the dialog so that I could add those descriptions. It didn't help that I didn't know what was going to happen at the end until I got there. I was going to go a different way with it, but it didn't work as well. I almost didn't submit this. I was running out of time for the deadline (just like last week) and the kids were screaming and I kept getting interrupted... Yeah, that's how I feel about it. However, there was something in it that I did like (unlike last week), and that I thought was worth it. I've never tried to write anything even remotely creepy...And a writing prompt that was "I'm going to kill you!" and a twilight zone clip necessitated the creepy thing. I don't know if I pulled it off. I kind of like the irony of the first line at the end of the story. Anyway, let me know how I did! I'd enjoy hearing your comments! :) Oh - I almost forgot - This was entered into the Motivation Monday Flash Fiction Challenge over at Wakefield Mahon's blog.
“I’m going to kill you.” I mutter half under my breath.
“That won’t do you much good, now, will it?”
“Of course it will. It will end all this…insanity.” I reply, waving my arms around wildly.
“You like this insanity. You cherish it. You wouldn’t know what to do with yourself otherwise. It makes you feel special.”
“No. I would be so much better off without you.” I clench my fist.
“Better off? How so?”
“Well, I would get out of this rotten place, that’s for sure.” I kick the plastic chair as I begin to pace the room.
“You really think they’ll let you out if I’m not around?”
“You’re the reason I’m in here at all!” I scream.
“Maybe. That doesn’t mean they’ll let you out if I’m gone. Trust me. The only way you’re getting out of here is with my help. And I’m working on it, alright?”
“Working on it?” I snort. “What? Are you drawing up escape plans while I sleep? I haven’t seen you working on anything.” I bang my fist on the sink.
“Just calm down. There’s no need to get all worked up.”
“I am calm.” I take a deep breath, “I’ve just decided that I’m going to do it. I’m going to kill you.”
“Really. And how are you going to manage that?”
My eyes shift across the room. “You remember Linda? They say she snapped the leg off her chair and it was sharp enough to do damage. It would be enough.”
“Yeah, I remember Linda. She was a complete loon. I’m surprised they let anyone keep their chairs after that.”
“They took some of them away. Barb lost hers.” I sit on the cot and put my face in my hands.
“Well, Barb has issues. She’s certifiable.”
I laugh, “Yeah? Who isn’t?”
“You know what I mean. She deserves to be in here.”
“And I don’t? I don’t know, Addy, maybe they’re right. Maybe you are a figment of my imagination.”
This time she snorts, “Sorry, but your imagination doesn’t have the ability to make me up. Not all of me. Haven’t I proven to you time and again that I’m real?”
“Then prove it to them! Why am I the only one who sees you? Who hears you?”
“I told you before, I’m—“
“Yeah, yeah, I don’t want to hear it again. Blah, blah, astral projection, blah, blah, focused on me, blah, blah, stuck. I’ve heard it too many times before. Maybe it’s just me trying to convince myself it’s plausible. Doesn’t that mean you’re a ghost? That leaves me the one with the problem.”
“My body is alive! Trust me!”
“I just want to kill you.”
“You can’t kill me! So how--? Oh. But it will end everything, and you know it.”
“Maybe, but at least it will be over.” I sigh, wishing it were over.
“You won’t do it…You can’t.”
“Maybe it will free you, too.”
“Maybe it will kill me.”
“I can hope.”