Congratulations all!!! Thanks for coming out and joining the fun! If you missed reading any of the stories (like Rebekah's late entry), then go check them out HERE! Finished? Great! Let's read what the judge had to say:
By Jeff S.
A catalogue of activity aboard an aircraft carrier, returning home after an unknown deployment - exercises, presumably, given the mundanity. The detail and terminology seem to indicate firsthand knowledge. All very relaxed until the revelation that the MC ‘was going to end this cruise before the pier.’
Nicely done, Jeff. It left me wanting to know more: always a good thing to do!
The Asian names and the packed railway carriage made me think of the overcrowded trains I’ve seen so often in documentaries about urban life in India: only later do we learn that it is a London to Edinburgh train. The tension between the two characters is ratcheted up nicely by the constant reference to the camera and the mysterious image that it contains - the ticket to a happy-ever-after life for Buddy, away from the controlling Ranji. What could the all-important image be?
We never find out. The impetus of the story changes to Ranji’s viewpoint: that the image has no importance because ‘Ranji had joined the ranks of Deacon Brodie’.
Does this mean that Ranji is now a clandestine, nighttime burglar? The last paragraph adds more confusion as we seem to be back at the station but what is going on? I may be being slow but, for me, the promising start to the story fizzled out with an ending which I didn’t follow at all. I’d love to know what you intended to convey, thehousesparrow.
Weight of Glory
By Rebekah Postupak
The list of Grand National winners is a treasure trove of names crying out to be incorporated into a piece of flash fiction. Rebekah rose to the Special Challenge… and smashed the glass ceiling! This is just what I was hoping for. Unfortunately, since it was posted over 33 hours after the close of the contest, it would have been unfair on everyone else who entered to consider it for a place on the podium.
Rebekah added a note to say that ‘fun’ had been left out (in the penultimate paragraph) but that was more that made up for by the fun I had reading it - a veritable chuckle-fest!
She claims to have included 29 Grand National winners, but,exercising my usual pendantry, I checked! ‘Gruder’ should have been ‘Grudon’, and ‘Disturbance’ seems to have been lost as well - probably in all the turmoil caused by the grakle…
But ‘Red Rum’ was not included in the list. So I make that an astounding 28 in total… You missed out ‘Salamander’, Rebekah, which I thought would be ideal for a fantasy story like this. But not to worry - I loved it anyway!
Special Challenge Champion
My wife would relate to the MC’s predicament here - being vertically challenged at a well attended concert: we always have to turn up half an hour early to events that don’t have allocated seats in order to get a place on the front row!
The performer’s name of ‘Charity Cure-all’ made me think that it was a healing meeting, and the MC’s miracle would be a hike in height to be able to see over everyone. But the solution is all-together more amazing for everyone in the audience.
I loved the phrase, new to me, ‘given the stink-eye’ - another entry in my writer’s note book!
Well done, asgardana!
Miracles Do Happen
By Dylyce P. Clarke
This was a gentle, heart-warming tale of a pair of Liverpool ‘scallies’ hatching a plan to bunk off school and hitch a ride on the coattails of a school ‘field trip’. Everything works out until they come up against their nemesis - the aisle attendant. But all’s well when he turns out to be Mickey’s Dad: what a double whammy of good fortunate - the lads get to see the flick because Mickey’s Dad now has a well-paid job at the cinema.
(This is nostalgic for me because, when I was a nipper, my Mum had a job as an usherette in a small cinema in town. In school holidays, the manager let my sister and me into the poorly attended matinee showings for free.)
At first, I wasn’t sure where the story was set, as the price of a cinema ticket is said to be ‘a few
cents’ rather than ‘pennies’, but later mention of ‘Liverpool slums’ clears that up. There’s some interesting Grand National research involved as well.
A really delightful story, Dylyce.