Sunday, September 2, 2012

Well, that was unexpected.

This is my entry for Motivation Monday over at Wakefield Mahon's blog. This is the contest that gives you the beginning line. I had a lot of fun with this one. I decided to try humor (which I don't think I'm very good at) and an accent again. The prompt just made me feel slapstick a bit... Enjoy!

“Well, that was unexpected.”

“That’s all you have to say for yourself?”

“What else can I say? Who would’a thunk that tossin’ my banana peel on t’that there pile would’a caused that avalanche of sorts?”

“Anyone with half a brain, that’s who!”

“Aw, Come on! I got more’n half! Just a’cause I don’t talk so smooth, doesn’t mean I’m dumb or nuthin’.”

“What about the rest of it?”

“Well, how’s I t’know Billy’d be comin’ outta the kitchen right then? I ain’t a magician!”

“You mean a fortune teller?”

“Whatever. Either way I can’t see through that there door, so how can you blame me for’is fall?”

“It was your mess he stepped in!”

“Yeah, but he didn’t have t’go and toss all that coffee in t’the air, now did’ee? Dropped that coffee right in t’Susan’s lap, he did. I never heard such a shriek – was ev’n louder’n the crash of the crockery.”

“But it didn’t stop there.”

“It certainly wasn’t my fault that Susan chucked her fork across the room! How you gonna blame that on me too!”

“You started it.”

“But it was pure, dumb luck that it hit that lightbulb that shattered on poor Burt and shorted the ‘lectricity out!”


“Well, t’opposite of luck then, but how could anyone predict Burt catchin’ the edge o’his plate when he went to shield hisself and sending the thing flippin’ across t’table and clockin’ Doris in the head?”

“No one.”

“’Zactly! That’s a one in a’hundred shot that he catch’er right on the temple and knock’er out cold. He couldn’t’a tried t’do that! Not that he was tryin’ a’course.”

“Of course.”

“Well, what was Doris doin’ tuckin’ that table cloth in t’er pants like that? When she fell backwards it pulled the whole thing off! It would’a ended dere if Martin hadn’t’a tried to help.”

“At least he was trying!”

“Yeah, well, we see where that got’im! All tied up in that tablecloth and stumblin’ hisself halfway across t’room! Not so helpful, that.”

“That’s an understatement!”

“I know! Maybe he got some sense knocked in t’him when the front door opened right on t’his head!”

“I just hope he’s not unconscious too!”

“Well, then the suit managed to slip on a piece a’that there crockery when he backed up to get a’look a’what he done and in the process a’fallin’ on his butt he done chucked his briefcase across the bar and on t’the stove! Nobody even know’d he’ad a cigarette in’is hand until the grease fire started.”

“Thank God Pops was there!”

“Sure ‘nough, Pops was thinkin’ on’is feet when he pulled that fire ‘stinguisher down! That could’a been bad.”

“Could’ve been? Did you not hear everything you just said? How could it have been worse?”

“Oh, Maddie, you don’ wanna go sayin’ things like that!”

“Why ever not?”

“I think the suit’ad somethin’ in’is bag… It’s movin’…”

By the way, I'm gonna get excited and tell you all that I won an Honorable Mention with this one! Yay! I'd suggest you go here and read the winner - I really enjoyed it!

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