tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post2285724456173652403..comments2024-01-22T07:38:36.759-05:00Comments on Musings of Alissa Leonard: FINISH THAT THOUGHT #7lissajeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10530061516614280887noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-86833375806835295492013-08-27T23:10:02.762-04:002013-08-27T23:10:02.762-04:00Bewitched
She was the most beautiful woman I had...Bewitched <br /><br />She was the most beautiful woman I had ever met. Her raven hair rested at her waist in haphazard ringlets, the curls cascading falls. <br /><br />And her eyes: steel, behind them something uncivilized, a wall blocking anyone from knowing what thrived underneath. <br /><br />I wanted to know her secrets. <br /><br />I had seen her on the way to the masquerade, a snapshot caught like the trick of the eyes. My suitemate Dominic and I were crossing campus, wasting time until the start of the gala and most certainly scouting out girls, even if such debauchery was forbidden. <br /><br />Rarely did we interact with the opposite sex. Duty always trumped any possibility of a relationship or a shared smile. All chances at romance were discreet: a clandestine soirée that had to be precisely planned to the tee, if you wanted to graduate from the Academy and, more importantly, avoid breaking such key Nightwarden doctrine. <br /><br />Our kind wasn’t permitted to swear to a companion until we’d reached our last year at the institute. To the Academy, it seemed, any possible interference would distract us from our essential studies. And, as the Elders claimed, “it was too much of a liability”. If we, for example, were too concerned about protecting someone we loved from an Undead other otherworldly being, our emotions may overpower and thus two Nightwardens would die instead of only one: the Nightwarden number was simply too few. Courtship was too risky. <br /><br />Once a year, however, even the Elders’ strict policies bent ever so slightly on All Hallow’s Eve: one last night to celebrate innocence before imminent battles ahead. <br /><br />Dominic and I entered the masquerade together, quickly going our separate ways. Dominic headed towards the refreshments. I began to cross the ballroom floor, casually looking at the décor. Then, I saw her: the same dark haired beauty I had seen on campus moments before. Slowly, her nebulous eyes met mine, slate shining almost silver in the dim light. At first, I thought my mind was playing tricks on me, her eyes changing like that, but I disregarded the thought: it really didn’t matter—I had to meet her. <br /><br />Gently, she beckoned for me to follow. Entranced, I began to follow, a delicate fog consuming around me. The ballroom became a blur. She disappeared outside on of the hall’s back passages, and I felt myself quickly moving to catch up with her. This could be my only chance to speak to her. As I rounded the corner, I faced emptiness: there was nothing here. <br /><br />“Where have you been?” I heard a voice ask. <br /><br />An inhuman, guttural sound vibrated from the hall. <br /><br />“What in the name of—“<br /><br />From the passage’s depths, a humanoid creature appeared, its black hair cascading down its back. The being raised its head, two silver eyes meeting mine. <br />“Shapeshifter!” I heard Dominic bellow. He raised a bow, the arrow piercing her heart. Green ooze spewed from her chest. <br /><br />She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. <br /><br />@nXgWVteacher<br />496 Words <br />Accepted the Special Challenge Whitneyhttp://nxgjourney.weebly.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-89606833586491781612013-08-22T20:20:05.995-04:002013-08-22T20:20:05.995-04:00Thank you so much for the comment Nick.
My previo...Thank you so much for the comment Nick. <br />My previous attempts at Finish that Thought also seem to be part of longer pieces.<br />Glad you liked it :)Nada Adelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17174829224861071333noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-38910105689518264712013-08-21T17:06:18.140-04:002013-08-21T17:06:18.140-04:00Trying to imagine all the challenge words in one s...Trying to imagine all the challenge words in one sentence was what inspired the whole story. I've done that a couple of times, not to show off per se, but to get ideas flowing.DoctorMikeReddyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07118605184091518364noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-27300777291232168532013-08-21T10:12:39.581-04:002013-08-21T10:12:39.581-04:00I realized that I had the prompt wrong after I pos...I realized that I had the prompt wrong after I posted it, and I was kicking myself because the actual prompt worked better for the story. Thanks for your feedback. :-) <br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18026436616667441606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-49202637595397912212013-08-21T10:09:07.237-04:002013-08-21T10:09:07.237-04:00Thanks for taking the time to offer constructive c...Thanks for taking the time to offer constructive criticism. It's encouraging and extremely helpful. Thanks for reading, Beth, and for your reply. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-47801532806531422062013-08-21T10:01:32.553-04:002013-08-21T10:01:32.553-04:00Haha, that's what I get for writing tired (not...Haha, that's what I get for writing tired (not that I would do much better with spelling/grammar awake). You are right, it would be more interesting to say "He" but sadly I wasn't that clever this week lol. Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03501383158159241395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-55740054122200468842013-08-21T06:59:05.656-04:002013-08-21T06:59:05.656-04:00This look at the prompt gave me a whole new perspe...This look at the prompt gave me a whole new perspective on it. I loved the lightness of the tone and the very real sense that these were people who knew each other well. In a good way this has the feeling of being part of a longer piece.Nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13771855447802399708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-66779537057979320482013-08-21T06:52:01.460-04:002013-08-21T06:52:01.460-04:00Sorry to hear that. I've had some IT problems ...Sorry to hear that. I've had some IT problems this week too. Send me a tweet (@nickjohns999) with a signpost to your blog post of it & I'll comment - if you are open to that - like I have on the other tales I judged this week.Nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13771855447802399708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-71845580737689147132013-08-21T06:42:01.520-04:002013-08-21T06:42:01.520-04:00This story captures exactly the hothouse, febrile ...This story captures exactly the hothouse, febrile atmosphere of young people fumbling their way towards maturity. I liked the dialogue as it both read well and sounded real and contemporary. The football field mating rituals are well drawn and vivid. However, you misread the prompt sentence and transposing ‘never’ for ‘ever’ means that I can’t include you in the potential honorifics. Thanks for writing this week!Nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13771855447802399708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-70530194962840668882013-08-21T06:40:17.111-04:002013-08-21T06:40:17.111-04:00Michelle, steampunk! This tale has a whole world...Michelle, steampunk! This tale has a whole world behind it, lifting it up and supporting it. That is no mean feat in 500 words! A couple of typos here (guarder for garter) One query – in the final prose paragraph, should the line read ‘HE had worked with Nathaniel a few times’? Otherwise the ‘reveal’ doesn’t work quite as well for me. I wanted more of this story. Only a whisker from honours this week. Thanks.<br />One bonus point for ‘cotillion’!<br />Nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13771855447802399708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-80319447889886999602013-08-21T06:39:00.058-04:002013-08-21T06:39:00.058-04:00Wow Jeff! This one takes the reader on a journey. ...Wow Jeff! This one takes the reader on a journey. Exquisite description, so real I felt that I could reach out and touch her. But then you make the sharp left turn into a sudden ‘car crash’ of a denouement; beautiful as much for its abruptness as for its execution. The sense of closure in the protagonist’s reflective comments about the technical aspects of his trade, tie up the beauty theme in a neat package. Good stuff!Nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13771855447802399708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-89572936883350930422013-08-21T06:38:17.772-04:002013-08-21T06:38:17.772-04:00Rebekah, a wonderful, whimsical tale that leaves t...Rebekah, a wonderful, whimsical tale that leaves the reader wondering up which particular garden path they are being led; before depositing them deftly on solid, familiar, but unexpected ground with a smile on their face. A sharp sense of character that both uses the reader’s background assumptions to good effect, and provides additional personality and depth. Good use of the challenge prompts (again all in one sentence!)Nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13771855447802399708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-47048779378303651622013-08-21T06:37:26.582-04:002013-08-21T06:37:26.582-04:00George, this tale has a powerful, almost tangible ...George, this tale has a powerful, almost tangible location. I could feel myself entering the tubes with Alex; sharing his anticipation and nervousness. In the end, however, despite repeated re-readings, I remained unclear about what was happening. It is something sometimes said to me by readers of some of my short fiction – I know what everything I wrote means, but, sometimes in the edit to bring it within word count, something vital for the reader disappears. It did leave me wanting to read more!Nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13771855447802399708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-16143710729136354192013-08-21T06:36:24.459-04:002013-08-21T06:36:24.459-04:00Creepy Laura! The economy of this piece is lovely....Creepy Laura! The economy of this piece is lovely. The gradual sense of growing menace that the reader experiences is difficult to achieve and is well realised here. You have gone inside the bad guy’s mind and shown us the vital element – that no-one is a bad guy when viewed from their own perspective.Nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13771855447802399708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-81187795475815296382013-08-21T06:35:34.727-04:002013-08-21T06:35:34.727-04:00Beth, this tale of academic back-biting, jealousy ...Beth, this tale of academic back-biting, jealousy and competition has a number of real world morals. The sense of ends justifying the means, the impression of the fickleness of success and the perils of even being in the right has truth in it and play out well in a short piece. Well Done. However, you misread the prompt sentence and transposing ‘never’ for ‘ever’ means that I can’t include you in the potential honorifics.Nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13771855447802399708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-23923990420208572122013-08-21T06:34:42.868-04:002013-08-21T06:34:42.868-04:00I found myself being drawn into this tale, with it...I found myself being drawn into this tale, with its mysterious, ethereal inhabitants. I also loved that your original vocabulary flowed and worked well in context – particularly that the protagonist’s siren ‘whisped’ to him.Nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13771855447802399708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-76503768664802797452013-08-21T06:33:20.718-04:002013-08-21T06:33:20.718-04:00Jessica, I found this story’s central device, of t...Jessica, I found this story’s central device, of transmuting the perception and senses of characters, really interesting. There is a good sense of backstory that gives the tale a feeling of a world behind it. The end didn’t quite feel like a full resolution to me, but it certainly left me wanting to find out what would happen next.Nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13771855447802399708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-61277613506635966452013-08-21T06:32:28.338-04:002013-08-21T06:32:28.338-04:00This is a powerful, moving, poignant ‘slice of lif...This is a powerful, moving, poignant ‘slice of life’ flash fiction. All elements of the story are strong. Plot, character, location, conflict, resolution and a sense of change are all present in abundance. You truly made the unseen girl a very real presence – a character in the story. The final paragraph not only resolves the tale brilliantly, but it takes it to a different place and adds real resonance and depth. Nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13771855447802399708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-24708883672933427382013-08-21T06:31:23.912-04:002013-08-21T06:31:23.912-04:00Mike
I loved the humour in this piece, particular...Mike <br />I loved the humour in this piece, particularly the puns & word play ‘...no stone un-Turnered’. The war between the artistic styles lit the tale up. The final line ties the story up beautifully. Using the challenge prompts in one sentence is just showing off! :-) <br /><br />Nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13771855447802399708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-65963441267957410172013-08-21T05:42:27.345-04:002013-08-21T05:42:27.345-04:00That's 497 words! Sorry.That's 497 words! Sorry. Nada Adelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17174829224861071333noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-21661477319387179962013-08-21T05:41:08.610-04:002013-08-21T05:41:08.610-04:00@NadaNightStar
97 words
Special Challenge Accepted...@NadaNightStar<br />97 words<br />Special Challenge Accepted<br /> <br />Almost Perfect Daydreams<br /> <br />Erik was the most beautiful human-hybrid I had never met. He’d have been my dream-come-true.<br />This whole ‘idea’ began when Anya, Marie and Chris started thinking about the perfect companion – which was never a good idea. Chris’ definition of adventure always involved sex – always. He never tired, whereas everyone else did. We stopped asking and let him wander off into a daydream.<br />Anya was a beautiful woman, with one tiny flaw: whatever she touched turned into ice. So naturally, a slightly-altered version of the Human Torch would have been her ideal companion. Had Anya been into women, her Human Torch and soulmate would have been the same person: Marie.<br />It was common knowledge what my preferences were, here at the Academy. I liked hybrids. I had a soft spot for werewolves, but they bored me. All this “We fear for you” and “Don’t approach us in our wolf form” irritated me. I had one clandestine encounter with a white wolf on the Wolf Grounds once. It was a BLAST! He – I think – was fun and adorable, a real hunter but a catch nonetheless. Suffice to say, I never saw him again. Bummer? Not really; I had gotten used to those.<br />“Your turn, Mia! Who or what is the most beautiful ‘creature’ you’ve never met?”<br />“Plenty, I hope.”<br />“Pleeeeeeeaaaassseee.”<br />“Alright then,” I said. “Erik would be the most beautiful human-hybrid I have never met.”<br />“Erik? Who’s Erik?!” Chris had woken up.<br />“Erik is this sexy guy with breath-taking blue eyes, who loves books and – ”<br />“Sexy guy who loves books? Keep dreaming!”<br />“Shut up Chris!” Anya said, “or else!” threatening him with a bare finger.<br />He swallowed and remained silent.<br />Changing her tone, she said “I like this Erik guy already!”<br />“What does he turn into?” Marie, who couldn’t hold her question back much longer, asked.<br />I smiled. “A dragon.”<br />“Seriously?!”<br />“Chris, what happened to your daydream? The world was enjoying itself in your sleep.”<br />He crossed his eyebrows at Anya, but stayed silent. Chris may be one of the smartest people in the world, but girls were not his area and Anya’s abilities were to be feared and unchallenged on all occasions.<br />“A dragon,” I started again, “We’d do all the things humans did, and more, but without worrying about my nebulous magical abilities.”<br />The girls smiled. And I could have sworn Chris did too.<br />It’s true I had come a long way since my magical powers unveiled themselves. Still, I always had to be in control; I could never be free. I controlled the elements, but Fire was favourite. Were I to lose myself to it for a minute, much of my surroundings would be toast, for Fire had a mind of its own. It was also my strongest element.<br />“Aren’t you worried he’d be terrified of you?!”<br />It was Chris again. Apparently, he had got some idea of my flashback.<br />“Well, I haven’t thought of that. But since I’ve never met him, I’ll never know.”Nada Adelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17174829224861071333noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-46607509850749200222013-08-21T00:42:08.249-04:002013-08-21T00:42:08.249-04:00Mine would not post, I tried twice! I'm so dis...Mine would not post, I tried twice! I'm so disappointed I could cry! It was a good one too! :-( rockchickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11001653103054038808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-87991058680234403852013-08-20T23:58:55.692-04:002013-08-20T23:58:55.692-04:00She was the most beautiful girl I had ever met. Sh...She was the most beautiful girl I had ever met. She could almost say the same thing about me, but never would. Only my GPA could surpass her, but no one cared about that at homecoming. Even worse, she didn’t buy my lies.<br />“You would probably like him.” I replied, nodding energetically at the Junior across the circle.<br />“Which means you didn’t like him.” Megan cut in frankly. I glared, wishing she would let my nebulous comments remain just that, at least in front of the clique. Her eyebrows shot up. She knew she was right, and had no qualms sharing with everyone, right here on the 50 yard line.<br />I skirted around another gorgeous girl and grabbed Megan’s hand pulling her several paces away from the group. She gasped dramatically, <br />“Is there a scandal I should know about?” I snorted at her suggestion. <br />“Wait, You couldn’t get him to talk to you!” and she watched the color rise in my face. The look of triumph made her eyes sparkle.<br />“He talked!” I retorted,<br />She pretended to look convinced “Oh so it was something else? I’ll have to ask around, see what is really happening with you two.”<br />I gave in, it was better just to tell her I had lost my one advantage than let her make something up. It was only an advantage during class anyway, not at the academy’s social events where the cute guys outnumbered the nerds ten-thousand to one. “Thank goodness nothing is happening, because I sounded like an idiot around him.” Even my sigh sounded frustrated.<br />“Oh that’s ok.” She smiled sweetly “It’s not clandestine, boys like stupid girls.”<br />I turned on my heel determined to walk away, I had taught her that word, when I saw the topic of our discussion approaching a cheerleader across the field. Leaning back to elbowing Megan I snickered <br />“Look! Look he’s going for Bella.”<br />Megan glanced at the couple, taking the moment to slip an arm through mine, trapping me with her. “Too bad for him, she isn’t on the honor roll like you. She will probably come across sounding sensible.” I glared again. “Oh you care do you? I thought you didn’t like him.”<br />I turned, aiming the refreshment table, ignoring her statement. “Let’s get some sodas.”<br />“No, I’d rather dance. Maybe you won’t be as tongue tied with these guys.” She said pulling me along towards a group of jocks that seemed to grow even cockier with our approach.<br /><br />430 words,<br />Special ChallengeMurMadehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06828429035981511844noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-83260545942373603662013-08-20T23:49:01.609-04:002013-08-20T23:49:01.609-04:00X
He was the most beautiful creature I never met....X<br /><br />He was the most beautiful creature I never met. Nathanial X, the leader of the resistance, kept his comings and goings clandestine.<br /><br />I first heard of Nathanial when I was just 10 years old. Back then, I was just an angry orphan girl working the streets for petty change. My parents were both engineers working on a more efficient steam engine for commercial air ships. When rumors of a small rebel faction emerged, the empire took action by causing an explosion at their place of work. Of course, the empire made it out to seem like a very convenient accident and even held a memorial service for those who died. We all knew the truth, though.<br /><br />Nathaniel’s name popped up while I was scoping out a rich man’s wallet. I overheard him talking to a few other men about a young student at the Carson-Berman Academy for Innovative Gentlemen who was suspected to have caused a disturbance at Duke Wellington’s estate during a cotillion. They didn’t know who he was, only that there was a calling card with the name “Nathanial X” on it. That was the beginning of the resistance and the 9 year love affair I had with a man I had never met.<br /><br />I stuffed the brass revolver I made in my guarder, tucked a small knife in my boot, and kissed the “X” propaganda poster on my wall. I had been a member of the resistance ever since I overheard that fated conversation when I was ten and I would die a member of the resistance. The empire was built on the backs of its people and it was time that high society shared the load. <br /><br />Just before I left my poor excuse for an efficiency apartment, I took a look at myself in my fractured mirror. I adjusted my miniature top hat and ran my fingers through my thick, auburn ringlets. I had learned long ago that my knack for engineering was not my only asset to the resistance. <br /><br />I grabbed one of my parcels and headed out the door and into the dirty, crowded streets of Dierten. Most women dressed as I was would have been afraid to walk unescorted in that section of the city. Most women also didn’t carry up to twelve concealed weapons.<br /> <br />I met up with my partner in the backroom of the Devil’s Lady pub. I had worked with Nathaniel a few times. He came from a wealthy family and therefore had all the connections we needed to board The Nebulous. He was in his late twenties or early thirties and was very educated.<br /><br />“Good to see you, Anastasia.” He said. “Are you ready?”<br />I nodded, nervously.<br /><br />“May I ask you something? Why did you volunteer for this mission?”<br /><br />“To meet Nathaniel X.” I blurted. My face turned scarlet.<br /><br />He was taken aback and chuckled. “You must feel strongly to risk death to meet him.”<br /><br />“He’s a great man.” I said.<br /><br />“Thank you.” He said.<br /><br />@Chelle87Fox<br />Word Count: 497<br />Special Challenge accepted<br />Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03501383158159241395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-43619714610707661062013-08-20T23:18:48.471-04:002013-08-20T23:18:48.471-04:00A Joy Forever
She was the most beautiful woman I ...A Joy Forever<br /><br />She was the most beautiful woman I had never met. Her skin had that transparent alabaster paleness women the world over spend far too much money aspiring to. It was, for her, a birthright and not cosmetic alteration. Though I cannot, in all fairness, say with any certainty it was a face that had never known a blemish or bruise. Skin that pristine is such a rarity it, more often than not, detracts rather than compliments the whole. In her, this was not the case.<br /><br />Her nose had the patrician form the great masters of sculpture spent their lives perfecting the look of in the lasting mediums of marble and bronze. Her cheekbones, in accompaniment with her eyes, lent her an exotic air not attributable to any definitive racial or ethnic heritage. Those eyes…those eyes were pools of ebon wonder, containing the unmistakable sparks of life, bemusement and intellect swirling and ever-changing and yet lending an overall feeling of constancy and permanence to her.<br /><br />Her smile was a wonder unto itself and its like I had never seen before and, I daresay, may never see again. Straight, dazzling-white teeth framed by full, pouting lips were the medium by which her joy, her humor, her sadness or her stubbornness could in a moment be summoned forth and portrayed in the most captivating of ways.<br /><br />Her hair? Flowing…silken…falling to the middle of her back and possessed of an effulgence words will never adequately have the power to convey. Worn loose, braided, or beguiled into an exotic style that would draw attention at the most high of society or social gatherings she still, somehow, managed to incorporate it as but another individual aspect intrinsic to a balanced whole.<br /><br />Of her physical form…the specifics of such…I have naught to say. Such was not a part of our all-too-brief encounter. Her face was the focus of all of my attention…was the entirety of my world for the time necessary to place a single full-metal-jacketed chome molybdenum .308 caliber slug into it. I am a master of my craft and the placement of that shot required an exquisite accuracy that would, not only, satisfy my contractual obligations but that would, also, ensure absolutely no trace of what had once been remained. Such a thing of beauty, if it must, must be destroyed so...entirely…so completely…that simply no trace of what it had once been remains.<br /><br />I admit I have no earthly idea why anyone would wish such a woman to be…neutralized and I do not, in any event, really care. The life…the career of a contract killer does not lend itself well to introspection or reflection. The unavoidable fact is that an email is received, details are furnished, a price is negotiated and, in the fullness of time, a contract is fulfilled.<br /><br />In all fairness, the precision…the skill of a fatal headshot from a distance in excess of 1500 meters is, in and of itself, every bit as much a thing of beauty as she had been.<br /><br />500 words @klingorengi<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05504298750127152026noreply@blogger.com