tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post204297680997863469..comments2024-01-22T07:38:36.759-05:00Comments on Musings of Alissa Leonard: FINISH THAT THOUGHT #7 - RESULTS!lissajeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10530061516614280887noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-49974407267852088222013-08-23T11:16:41.826-04:002013-08-23T11:16:41.826-04:00I always have trouble with tenses! Man!!! Big Bumm... I always have trouble with tenses! Man!!! Big Bummer:( I will do better proof reading also!! I'm so much better at poetry!! rockchickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11001653103054038808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-36220162176790175242013-08-23T09:03:27.138-04:002013-08-23T09:03:27.138-04:00Hi Jena
This tale's description of the girl is...Hi Jena<br />This tale's description of the girl is vivid and includes good additional detail (the ballet slippers imply grace of movement so you don't have to).<br />Two thoughts. Be careful with proofing, especially of tenses (In the final paragraph you have shinning, presumably for shining, and then you move from 'passes' straight to 'looked' in the next sentence - either is OK if you're consistent throughout). Think about the balance of the story and how the parts connect one to the other. In your three paragraphs, one is about the setting, the next is about the narrator and also his job, while the third is about the girl. It will feel a rounder tale to the reader if there is an implied (or even specific) connection between the parts. Thanks for posting. Look forward to reading more from you in future!Nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13771855447802399708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996679476368835656.post-51372619398892562902013-08-21T18:35:47.583-04:002013-08-21T18:35:47.583-04:00303 words
special challenge
did not want to post ...303 words <br />special challenge<br />did not want to post last night, wanted to share my story anyway! <br /><br />She was the most beautiful woman I had never met!<br /><br />Starbucks was full of loitering hipsters drinking their lattes and chi teas. Outside the skies were thick with nebulous clouds, the sun desperately trying to cut through the thick haze. I was in jeans and my favorite white linen button down shirt. I had ordered my latte and was lounging at a table watching people come and go <br /><br /><br />I am a writer for the New York Times and was thinking about my next review on the new restaurant that opened about a month ago between 5th and Park Ave. I had eaten there a couple times to explore and try different dishes on the menu. The food was simply amazing, the flavor was unbelievable. So needless to say it will be given an excellent review. I remembered asking the chief if he could tell me what was in the dry rub for his signature ribs. He promptly informed me that the recipe was so clandestine that he would have to kill me if he told me. <br /><br />The sun had finally burned through the clouds. Enjoying my coffee and the warm sun shinning through the window, a woman passes by the window to the door of the coffee shop. I looked up right as she stepped through the threshold into the entry of the coffee shop. Time slowed and the environment around her stopped. Her golden blonde hair lightly bouncing as she walked. Her flawless cream tanned skin glowed in the warm ambient light. Her big dark brown eyes were mesmerizing, and I couldn’t keep from staring. Ballet slippers hung from her gym bag with the Ballet Academy logo on it. I watched her walk with her coffee and step out into the sunshine; she was the most beautiful woman I had never met. <br />rockchickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11001653103054038808noreply@blogger.com